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Where Have All The Real Men Gone?

Posted by Nostalgiaholic | on January 2, 2008

Hang on tight, this is gonna get messy !

Crystal and I just finished watching the brand-spanking new Live Free or Die Hard, the latest installment of the legendary Bruce Willis blastfest movie franchise. It features Willis’ tough-guy alcoholic cop character taking on another team of highly trained terrorist-types bent on money and blowing stuff up. The movie was a blast, and despite relying heavily in some scenes on computer generated images (CGI), and using modern plot devices (Homeland Security, computer-driven apocalypse, hacker terrorists, etc.), the movie still totally put me in touch with bare-fisted 80s action flicks like the original Die Hard. The kind of slightly-cheesey, stunt-driven blockbusters that my dad, my brother and I would watch in the basement together on Sunday nights. I can still picture my dad leaping to the edge of his seat just as John McClane catches the edge of that slavic-speaking bad guy’s face with his fist. Hell yeah !

So this movie got me thinking about the differences between older and newer installments in the action and adventure genres. Modern action flicks may be visually more impressive then they’re decades-old counterparts, but they seem almost… I dunno, more like pop music compared to real rock ‘n roll!

What happened to all the super cool action heroes of my childhood? In the 70s and 80s, action movies were practically the backbone of Hollywood. Where are all the working-man’s heroes ? The Harrison Fords, Dolph Lundgrens, Wesley Snipes, the Stallones and the Schwarzeneggers ? Guys that prided themselves on appearing in as much of the movie as possible, reveling in doing they’re own fights and minor stunts. Guys that were effortlessly cool and tough even while splattered in dirt and shot fulla bullets.

Newer action stars like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (as much as I love the guy), and the zombie-voiced Vin Desiel seem like they try too hard to look good while they pound on bad guys. When was the last time you saw The Rock covered in blood lighting up a smoke like Harvey Keitel after a bank heist?

Special effects have progressed to the point that we can now make our wildest and most explosive on-screen visions a reality, but there was something special about the car chases, and pipe-bomb theatrics of the past. Characters can be digitally removed or added, or enhanced, or whatever in movies now, along with effects, props, and even whole sets ! It makes me wonder how it’s possible that National Treasure (2004) was such a disappointment, while Raiders of The Lost Ark (1981) rocked so hard without any of the computer-based bells ‘n whistles…. Needed Nazi’s I guess….

Just think, For every explosion and or fiery inferno that has been digitally added to a scene instead of lighting up some napalm, there’s a lonely stuntman in a gel-suit sitting at home thinking, “That could have been me burning alive… for real.”

I know I’m kinda ranting… I’m not completely anti-computer effects. I loved Transformers (2007), and it was 98% microchip. And Terminator 2 (1991), the movie that started this whole CGI thing is easily one of the best ‘n baddest action flicks ever! I guess I just get off the most watching movies where guys and gals fight the good fight without the help of computers, gravity-defying wires, or talking polar bears.

…Or maybe I just want all my action heroes to be like Dirty Harry…

I guess it’s back to the “Classic” section of my local movie store for my action needs… or maybe the “Foreign” section… Here’s what I was able to dig up, with no CGI, and a cheaper rental price to boot !

Shaft (1971) - He’s a bad mutha…

Magnum Force (1973) and The Gauntlet (1977) - Clint Eastwood is so tough he can catch bullets with his teeth, which is probably why he sneers his words out just one side of his mouth.

Death Wish (1974) - More like a thriller then an action movie, it still features plenty of throw downs and thug cappings (did I really just type that?) courtesy of Charles Bronson.

The Warriors (1979) - The movie that made it seem like you could rule the streets if you got eight friends together and dressed up in matching leather vests.

Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) - Indiana Jones was always my hero… He made me want to travel, to have adventures, to dig up the backyard in hopes of finding the Arc of the Covenant, and beat up Nazis. All three (soon to be four) of the Indy movies are classics, and the greatest action/adventure movies ever made… Period.

First Blood (1982) - Sylvester Stallone is John Rambo, an ex-’Nam lunatic that takes on the corrupt small town sheriff who made the deadly mistake of making fun of Sly’s headband.

Red Dawn (1984) - This cult masterpiece of cold war-gone-wrong action and survivalist insanity stars Patrick Swazye before he traded in his faded jean jacket and sub-machine gun for a tight singlet and dance lessons. Eat bullets you commies !!!

Predator (1987) and Red Heat (1988) - Ahhhhnold is the king of 80s action, and proves it by filleting aliens and putting the hurt on crime in these two blockbusters. Predator has the added bonus of collecting two US Senators in the same helicopter scene to talk about sexual longevity and spit chewing tobacco…. yum…

Lethal Weapon (1987) - The big daddy of buddie movies stars a really young-looking Mel Gibson, and a still-old looking Danny Glover saving the city from uber-freak Gary Busey and his criminal henchmen.

Die Hard (1988) - The movie that brought Bruce Willis to the world’s collective attention is also responsible for showcasing what a perfect straight-ahead action film is all about. Guns, bombs, fistfights and stunts. One of the funniest, and most endearing qualities of Willis’ character is his ability to withstand enormous amounts of punishment during the course of the flick and still win the day. Start counting the cuts on John McClean’s head as a drinking game with friends… trust me, you’ll feel just as gooned as he does by the time the credits roll.

And if your continue treading into the future, hit up Die Hard with a Vengance (1995), my personal fav of the series, anything by Quentin Tarantino, and Tony Jaa’s Ong Bak (2003) and Tom Yum Goong (aka The Protector, 2005) to see how Martial Arts can, and should be done.

Anyway… I’m gonna go play with nunchucks !

Much Love…

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